We're so very grateful here at TRC for all those supported our fundraiser last month. We had a wonderful retreat day where we cooked many, many litres of soup, which will feed people in the Guelph downtown this week. One of our core practices is Generosity, and we were trying to exercise it ourselves, as well as give opportunity to others to get behind us with their generosity. It's a pretty good picture of how the commonwealth of God works. May it generate more and more generosity as we go forward.
10 Ways Men Can Smash the Patriarchy
1. Take seriously the fact that Jesus instituted a new family of God, one that included Gentiles, foreigners, widows and orphans.
This isn’t to say he rejected the Jewish understanding of marriage. Actually he reinforces the sanctity of marriage in his teaching on divorce. But he sees marriage operating within a broader, new context, a context in which non-paternal brothers and sisters were given equal status. In this way, he shattered the basis of patriarchy, which is the obsession with paternity and the control of women.
2. Stop deifying the nuclear family.
If the church takes our calling as a family seriously, we would take things like reconciliation more seriously, as well as the radical idea that our family includes more than just those who live under the same roof. Include singles in your communal family life. Practice radical hospitality. Include your non-paternal Christian brothers and sisters in your biological family’s life together.
3. Learn how you have been taught to read the Bible on gender.
Reading patriarchy as God’s norm has skewed the way we interpret God’s intention for us. We miss that we were designed equally. We miss the radical ways the New Covenant and the coming of the Holy Spirit have changed gender expectations for believers.
4. Ask women to look closely at how safe your church or organization is for them.
You might not notice that there’s not adequate lighting in the parking lot, but women sure do. An all-male church council/board/elders might scratch their collective heads as to why they can’t get women to join them, but astute women will be able to help you see why, and how to change it
5. Don’t take your daughter on a Valentines date.
Or better still, don’t “date” your daughter at all. Please spend time with your daughter, but let her know that you want to be with her to work on joint projects or play sports or because you value her opinion on things, and not just because she’s “my little princess” or that you’re filling in until Mr. Right shows up.
6. Don’t enact the “Billy Graham rule.”
I have no doubt Mr. Graham instituted it in his life for good reasons, but in most instances, it treats all women as potential sexual temptations, it excludes women from joining men as equal partners in creative projects, and it surreptitiously silences them from decision-making. By all means, consider strategies for creating good, healthy boundaries in relationships, but social and professional exclusion isn’t the answer.
[How one male pastor has stopped worrying with the Billy Graham Rule]
7. Listen to women’s voices.
Listen to female preachers, and if your church doesn’t allow women to preach, seriously question the leadership about it. Read female theologians and bloggers, and if you’re looking for a quote for an article or an essay, go out of your way to look for a female voice to make your point. Listen to women on social media. I read a comment from someone this week, saying that even if a woman sounds angry we should set aside whatever discomfort we might feel about that because that feeling is our male privilege prompting us to disengage from an important conversation that women don’t get to disengage from.
8. Be mindful of how you use your own voice when speaking of women.
Don’t make misogynistic jokes, and speak out against other men making sexist or demeaning remarks in your presence (currently, it’s women who are more likely to challenge men on sexist comments than men).
Don’t talk over women, and don’t stand for it when you see another guy doing it.
Be conscious of how you introduce women. There’s plenty of research to suggest we introduce men with their titles and/or achievements, while we introduce women as “the lovely Julia” or “the beautiful Sarah”.
Be wary of only telling little girls they’re pretty or lauding them for their hair and fashion choices. Sure, little girls love dressing up and enjoy those comments (we raised three daughters), but if that’s the only affirmation they get it shapes their sense of what’s important and how they’re seen by others.
Don’t put the onus on women to have to prove we live in a patriarchy and then argue about whether it’s as bad as they say. There’s nothing more repulsive than a powerful male debating a form of discrimination he’s never experienced.
9. Pay women as much as you pay men.
And stop quibbling about whether there’s a gender pay gap. Just agree that, in every circumstance, a woman should be paid at the same rate as a man doing the same work.
10. Don’t use your power to force women to honor you or acknowledge you.
In the kingdom of God, we’re called to the self-emptying work of giving power away. Be aware of your inherent power (patriarchal, political, social, economic, etc) and use it to protect and empower women, not to use or abuse them.
Men, we are the writers of these #MeToo stories. It’s time we owned this sickness.
[With thanks to Bronwen Speedie for some of the ideas here.]
I have waged this war against myself for many years.
It was terrible.
But now I am disarmed.
I am no longer frightened of anything
because love banishes fear.
I am disarmed of the need to be right
and to justify myself by disqualifying others.
I am no longer on the defensive,
holding onto my riches.
I just want to welcome and to share.
I don’t hold on to my ideas and projects.
If someone shows me something better -
no, I shouldn’t say better but good -
I accept them without any regrets.
I no longer seek to compare.
What is good, true, and real is always for me the best.
That is why I have no fear.
When we are disarmed and dispossessed of self,
if we open our hearts to the God-Man
who makes all things new,
then He takes away past hurts
and reveals a new world
where everything is possible.
Neither revolution nor reformation can ultimately change a society, rather you must tell a new powerful tale, one so persuasive that it sweeps away the old myths and becomes the preferred story, one so inclusive that it gathers all the bits of our past and our present into a coherent whole, one that even shines some light … If you want to change a society then you have to tell an alternative story.
It’s hard to believe that just over five years ago, a very small and rag tag group of friends began gathering on Tuesday nights in a living room to think about a fresh way of being church in the neighbourhood. We wondered about the possibility of being faithful to the gospel and orthodox commitments, while at the same time eschewing the traditional trajectory of what church growth might look like. We were committed to being the people of God on mission in the neighbourhood. We began to experiment with face to face church, or church in a circle. We wondered if meeting in homes, third spaces, and loaned church space could be the womb for real community in Christ with friends, neighbours, and strangers. We’re still wondering! I once told a friend, "It’s going well, but feels so fragile". He said, "Shouldn’t it always?" Yes, I think so.
We have come to see ourselves as a community of strays, orphans, and exiles – and we like it! It’s probably not the best way to market yourself in a culture driven towards success and easy consumer-oriented solutions – but it seems to be what God has called us to be. We are celebrating our Fifth Anniversary on Sunday Sept. 24th, and there will be much gratitude expressed for what God has done, and much hope offered for what God, in Christ, through the Spirit continues to do!
When another enters your heart, you become more alive because your feeling and vision, your desire and purpose have been animated by the richness of the additional life. The beloved is not a threat to your existence. Instead, the beloved enters into you, giving you reasons to live in ways you many never have thought possible.
Love is the extremely difficult realization that something other than oneself is real. Love, and so art and morals, is the discovery of reality.
In many ways, neighboring has become a lost art form. From the juggling act of maintaining our busy schedules to the anxiety around relating to those who we see as different than us, the practice of neighboring can quickly slip to the bottom of our priorities list. If there is a solution to the social isolation, the political polarization and the superficial relationships that exist in our neighborhoods—and in the world as a whole—I’m convinced that it is reclaiming the art of neighboring. For those of us who want to be more committed to neighboring, here are three shifts to consider:
A SHIFT FROM PRODUCTIVITY TO PRESENCE
We have been taught to value and commend productivity. The people we celebrate the most are typically the people we see as the most productive—or at least the busiest. When someone asks us how we are doing, we are quick to assure them that we are terribly busy. We struggle to separate our work from our social and familial lives—largely because we can access our work at any given moment. We design productivity apps that help us eliminate work duplication and disorganization even though, when we open our phones to use them, we inevitably end up using other apps that are less than productive.
I think that, in some sense, we feel convicted about free time; we have a nagging feeling that we should be doing something to build our career, our capital, our status, or our future.
Our fixation with being productive can have a way of impairing our ability to be fully present with the people around us. Productivity becomes one of the primary excuses for disengaging with the people and the places that we dwell among. While we tell others that we are chronically busy, more times than not we are busy with things that do not add to the meaning, purpose and connection that we long for—and need—in life.
In creating space for our neighbors, we subvert the cultural idol of productivity. When we are present with our neighbors—around dinner tables, on porches and in local parks—we open up space for life-giving relationships to be deepened, for collaborative opportunities to arise and for creativity to be co-inspired. Here are four indicators that you are moving beyond superficial connection in the context of your neighborhood:
You have shared your longings, hopes, struggles and fears with your neighbors, and they have reciprocated.
Your neighbors are around your table, and you are around theirs.
You have been inconvenienced by your neighbors, and you have inconvenienced them.
You have co-created and shared something of value with your neighbors.
When we commit ourselves to being present with our neighbors, we will discover our shared humanity, and we will become increasingly aware of how much we have to lose if we pursue productivity at the expense of a common life with the people around us.
A SHIFT FROM ABSTRACT INCLUSIVITY TO ROBUST HOSPITALITY
It is in the context of our neighborhoods that we discover how truly polarized and disconnected we are from those that we deem as different than us. The truth is that it’s easy to be inclusive in words—on our social media platforms and in our lofty ideological language; in contrast, it’s incredibly difficult to wade into the complexity of relating to one another in the context of our neighborhoods.
We can say that we are welcoming of our neighbors without ever opening up our lives, our homes, our resources and our time to the diverse range of people who make up our neighborhoods.
While inclusivity can end up being abstract and intangible, hospitality demands our very presence with others; it invites us to sit across tables from those we don’t understand, those we have distanced ourselves from and those we have looked down on. It is the space where enemies—or those we saw as enemies—are humanized through proximity. While it’s easy to demonize someone from a distance, it’s a much more difficult task to demonize the person you have to pass the potatoes to.
Polarization occurs when the practice of hospitality is neglected. When we extend hospitality, we create space for reconciliation, enemy-love and deep listening to be practiced and experienced; this is good news for our families, our faith communities, and our neighborhoods.
A SHIFT FROM VAGUE FAMILIARITY TO SHARED LIVES
In the context of my city, it is not uncommon to see people spend most of their time working, playing, shopping and socializing outside of the neighborhoods they live in. Our lives are increasingly fragmented; in many ways, we have lost a sense of rootedness. Devoid of rootedness, we are quicker to settle for a vague familiarity with our neighbors.
Even if we desired a deeper level of connection with our neighbors, we fear the awkwardness—and potential rejection—that comes with sticking our necks out for it. At the end of the day, we don’t want our neighbors to think that we need anything from them, and we certainly don’t want them to need anything from us.
We love the idea of loving our neighbors as ourselves, yet we struggle with creating enough margin in our lives to truly know our neighbors well enough to love them and be loved by them. One of the ways we can move beyond a vague familiarity toward a more shared life with our neighbors is through collaboration. What I am continuously encountering in my neighbors is the longing to co-invest in something meaningful. From book clubs and street parties to localized advocacy and film nights, community formation often happens through collaboration.
Neighborhood-centric collaboration makes sense because the neighborhood is one of the few things we tangibly share with our neighbors; it is the common source material that will inspire creativity in the context of our place. As we listen to the needs and hopes of our neighborhoods, we will be given the opportunity to get our hands dirty in the task of working together for the common good.
When we are present, hospitable and open to deeper relationships, we will discover the story that is unfolding in our neighborhoods—a story that we are invited to be a character in. While becoming a better neighbor takes time, effort and sacrifice, we are in desperate need of the benefits that it brings.
Steve is a bi-vocational pastor/college professor who lives, cycles, dreams, and drinks coffee in Woodfield—a neighbourhood in London, Ontario, Canada. You can connect with him on Facebook and Twitter.
For the desire of your heart is itself your prayer. And if the desire is constant, so is your prayer...
Therefore, if you wish to pray without ceasing, do not cease to desire.
The constancy of your desire will itself be the ceaseless voice of your prayer. And that voice of your prayer will be silent only when your love ceases...
The chilling of love means that the heart is silent; while burning love is the outcry of the heart. If your love is without ceasing, you are crying out always; if you always cry out, you are always desiring; and if you desire, you are calling to mind your eternal rest in the Lord.
Thoughts from Shane Claiborne on contemplation in action:
There’s something powerful that happens when we can connect our faith with the pain of our world. We are concerned not just with going to heaven when we die, but with bringing God’s kingdom down here. That means figuring out how we can be a part of the restoration of our world. As we look at our neighborhood, what does it mean for us to pray the Lord’s Prayer, that God’s kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven? We pray and act for that every day because we believe that God’s kingdom is coming and we want it to come.
There’s a movement in the church to marry action and contemplation, to connect orthodoxy and orthopraxis. We’re not throwing out the things we believe, but we’re also focusing on practices that work out those beliefs. In the past few decades Christianity has primarily been about what we believe. But in Jesus we see an invitation to join our actions with a movement rather than ideas and doctrine.
I’m hopeful because people have grown tired of a Christianity that can say what it believes on paper but doesn’t have anything to show with our lives. Ideologies and doctrines aren’t easy things to love. That’s why I think we need to lift up examples of people who have joined their faith and action, folks like Francis and Clare of Assisi. Mother Teresa has also been a hero of mine.
What I love about Mother Teresa is that her life was her witness. She wasn’t a champion of unborn children because she wore a t-shirt that said “Abortion Is Murder,” but because she welcomed mothers and children. In essence, she said, “If you can’t raise your child, we’ll do it together.” That’s the kind of embodiment that comes as we seek to marry our beliefs to our actions. As Brian McLaren says, “It’s not just are we pro-life or pro-choice, but how are we pro-active?” Are we willing to take responsibility for our ideologies? In my neighborhood that means we’ve got to care for a fourteen-year-old girl and her child together.
Mother Teresa’s message was, “Calcutta is everywhere, if we only have eyes to see.” Pray that God would help us see our own Calcutta: the pain, poverty, loneliness, and ostracizing that happens all over. Each of us encounters situations that demand both prayer and activism. Pray that God would give us the eyes to see the pain of our neighborhoods.
Adapted by Richard Rohr from Shane Claiborne, When Action Meets Contemplation, disc 1 (Center for Action and Contemplation: 2010)
We are embarking on a summer series exploring the height, depth, and breadth of love as revealed through the scripture, tradition, and experience of the Christian church. Look for some quotes here through the summer for reflection.
In this way, (Jesus) drew everything to himself: for he proved his unspeakable love, and the human heart is always drawn by love. He could not have shown you greater love than by giving his life for you. You can hardly resist being drawn by love, then, unless you foolishly refuse to be drawn.
Catherine of Siena
The aim of God in history is the creation of an all-inclusive community of loving persons with God himself at the very center of this community, as its prime sustainer and most glorious inhabitant (Eph. 2: 19 - 22, 3: 10)
Lauren Winner in Faith & Leadership Interview
The communities of which I have been a part are wonderful, nurturing, nourishing Christian communities, yet they do a better job talking about the beginnings of people’s spiritual lives.
We have a long history in North American Christianity of narrating people’s conversions as though that’s the end of the matter, when really that’s the prelude to the matter. And sometimes in our communities we say in response to someone’s spiritual desolation, “It’s fine; it’s understandable; we’ve all been there,” but we expect it to get resolved in about six weeks.
And if it doesn’t get resolved in about six weeks, the person must not be trying hard enough or something, or not doing the right kind of praying or something.
In some mainline communities, we may not talk very well about people’s encounters with God’s hiddenness because we don’t talk very well about people’s encounters with God, period.
EVER HEAR THE PHRASE, “YOU NEED TO COMMIT YOUR LIFE TO CHRIST”?
I have… used to hear it and say it all the time. It was the prescription for spiritual health.
Struggling with anxiety? You need to commit your life to Christ. Emotionally gutted because of betrayal or treachery? You need to commit your life to Christ. Not sure where you will go when you die? You need to commit your life to Christ.
So often did I hear this idea it seemed it was a mantra of some kind. I think I get what those who used (and maybe still do) the expression were trying to convey – We need to trust in Jesus.
But trust is not some kind of secret, key ingredient to finding happiness, spiritual or not. Trust is a response to a person. And I respond with trust to a person I know.
And here’s what I’ve come to know of Jesus…
HE HAS, IS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE COMPLETELY, UNRESERVEDLY, TOTALLY COMMITTED TO YOU.
Whether you obey him or not.
Whether you like him or not.
Whether you trust him or not.
In fact, so loyal is his love for humankind – that it delivers a severity of wrath ferocious in its’ intent to destroy all that is destroying His Beloved. And he gives his very life to make it so.
The Light of the Cosmos took the darkness of an entire planet – our disobedience, betrayal, hatred, indifference, all of the venom festering in our broken lives – and met it face to face by becoming one with us.
This “confrontation” irrevocably exploded in violence when we, fully embracing our darkness, murdered our one true Friend.
Death tried to kill Life… Darkness tried to extinguish the Light…
And what did he do with our response of madness and rage when he bore it in his body hanging on a tree? Your friend has judged it and condemned it. Even more, he has forgiven us, the ones who brought it to the table and reveled in such insane darkness. Every… single… one of us. This confrontation becomes his ultimate means of healing the brokenness of our lives so that we might come to love all that is good and hate anything that is not.
So, maybe we shouldn’t be trying to commit ourselves to him. Maybe we should humbly receive his absolute and unwavering commitment to us. And as we do, we will find ourselves responding with trust to his loyal love.
The church is preparing to enter into the season of Pentecost. Why is this something to which we should pay attention? Very simply, we could use the help! Pentecost reminds us that the church is founded upon the supernatural gift of God’s reconciling energy given in the person of the Holy Spirit. The church is always tempted to invest its faith in technique, gifted leaders, traditions, polities, technology, wisdom, and more. While many of these things might be helpful for our situations, we can very quickly become uncritically dependent upon them. God grants us the heady opportunity to partner with his kingdom purposes using our ingenuity, however, that should never be the source of our mission and ministry. We, like the first church, are called to wait for the Spirit’s empowering, learning dependence as we are sent into the world.
Gathering up what gifts of awareness remain and testifying to one another concerning their power is one of the primary responsibilities - and pleasures - of an aware people. And when it comes to the thinning out of consciousness that often seems to be occurring in the wake of our escalating distractedness, a profound commitment to courtesy of the heart in all things would appear to be our only hope. (p. 112 'Life's Too Short To Pretend You're Not Religious')
Someone who has actually tasted truth is not contentious for truth. Someone who is considered by people to be zealous for truth has not yet learnt what truth is really like; once he has truly learnt it, he will cease from zealousness on its behalf. – St. Isaac the Syrian
I had the privilege of attending the 10th Anniversary Mockingbird Conference in NYC last week. I highly recommend this organization and its calling to help us see where law and gospel are at play within popular culture. I quote to you from the conference booklet:
One word sums up what we've tried to convey these past ten years. It's the word that got us going and keeps us going. It's much more than a word, of course, and a decade isn't even a drop in the ocean of possible appreciation/contemplation/internalization. You know which one I'm talking about.
Given how Grace is so central to our project, we've made a point over the years of collecting some useful shorthand . . . for the sake of this conference, (however), our operating definition of grace will be as follows:
"Grace is the utterly surprising, uniformly comforting, scorecard vaporizing, label-demolishing, can't-stop-won't-stop, able to jump over a building in a single bound, come what may, incandescent, and absolving voice of God."
Books and My Friend Lance
Last week, I lost a dear friend to cancer. Lance was the manager of a splendid little bookstore in Streetsville, ON called Ontario Christian Books. I discovered this book store in the mid-nineties while pastoring in Campbellville ON, and it became a place that fed my soul through stimulating conversation, wonderful friendship, and many marvellous books! I’ve always loved to read, but, my relationship with Lance and his inner sanctum of wonderful tomes, took that love to a new level of learning about spiritual reading, and to some specific volumes that forever altered my way of seeing the world. Spiritual reading is one of the means by which we are spiritually formed. We discover wise companions whom the Holy Spirit uses to inspire us by their writing and reflecting. Sadly the sustained attention that spiritual reading requires is in short supply these days as we have become enslaved by our digital devices and betrayed by our miniscule attention spans. I am no less distracted than the rest of you, but, I have a sacred history with some extraordinary books that keep me seeking their presence. This also keeps me coming back to bookstores and their offerings of life. Alas, for many different reason, there will not be many Ontario Christian Books around before too long. However, churches are learning communities; and when those stores have disappeared we will be much the healthier by creating our own book stations, our own conversations stimulated by reading, and our own Lances – literary mentors who will lead us to the right books for the right time in our lives.
You're told the ingredients
have been assembled: for the sake of love,
wine and bread, fennel, honey and leeks;
laurel and bay to represent
your political importance and way with words;
a sampling of fabulous beasts and birds.
Fruits and meats to symbolize labor;
salt, the apple and lamb.
You're told the entertainment
will consist of your slow dismemberment
to the pulse of bass drums,
the plodding cadence of Gregorian chant,
screams of your parents and children.
You're told it will hurt
like nothing else, but after it's over
your very best friends will take you
home with them and place you
on altars in the midst of music and yearning,
place you near fire, teach their children
to sing your name.
Do you accept?